Red Skelton’s Recipe For The Perfect Marriage

Red Skelton 1960

Red Skelton
(July 18, 1913 – September 17, 1997)

Red Skelton’s Recipe For The Perfect Marriage

1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.

2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas.

3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. “Somewhere I haven’t been in a long time!” she said. So I suggested the kitchen.

5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said “There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!” So I bought her an electric chair.

7. My wife told me the car wasn’t running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was. She told me, “In the lake.”

8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.

9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, “Am I too late for the garbage?” The driver said, “No, jump in!”.

10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

11. I married Miss Right. I just didn’t know her first name was ‘Always’.

12. I haven’t spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don’t like to interrupt her.

13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, “What’s on the TV?”
I said, “Dust!”.

Can’t you just hear him say all of these?

I love it. These were the good old days when humor didn’t have to start with a four letter word. It was just clean and simple fun. And he always ended his programs with the words, “And May God Bless” with a big smile on his face.

Red Skelton

Red Skelton

Posted in Actors Entertainers, Humor/Jokes | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

Celebrity Birthdays: February 08, 2016 – February 14, 2016

Celebrity Birthdays of note for the week of
February 08, 2016 – February 14, 2016

February 8 – Christian Madsen

Christian Madsen (February 8, 1990) American actor is best known for his roles in the films Divergent (2014) and Palo Alto (2013)

Christian Madsen (February 8, 1990) American actor is best known for his roles in the films Divergent (2014) and Palo Alto (2013)

February 9 – Rose Leslie

Rose Leslie (February 9, 1987) Scottish actress best known for playing Ygritte in the HBO fantasy series Game of Thrones and Gwen Dawson in the ITV drama series Downton Abbey.

Rose Leslie (February 9, 1987) Scottish actress best known for playing Ygritte in the HBO fantasy series Game of Thrones and Gwen Dawson in the ITV drama series Downton Abbey.

February 10 – Emma Roberts

Emma Roberts (February 10, 1991) American actress movies include Nancy Drew, Valentine's Day, Scream 4, We're the Millers, and Palo Alto is currently starring in Fox's horror comedy series Scream Queens.

Emma Roberts (February 10, 1991) American actress movies include Nancy Drew, Valentine’s Day, Scream 4, We’re the Millers, and Palo Alto is currently starring in Fox’s horror comedy series Scream Queens.

February 10 – Elizabeth Banks

Elizabeth Banks (February 10, 1974) American actress movies include the Spider-Man trilogy, Seabiscuit, The 40-Year-Old Virgin, Pitch Perfect , The Lego Movie, and The Hunger Games film series.

Elizabeth Banks (February 10, 1974) American actress movies include the Spider-Man trilogy, Seabiscuit, The 40-Year-Old Virgin, Pitch Perfect , The Lego Movie, and The Hunger Games film series.

February 11 – Jennifer Aniston

Jennifer Aniston (February 11, 1969) American actress is one of the highest paid actresses in Hollywood and in 2012 received a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

Jennifer Aniston (February 11, 1969) American actress is one of the highest paid actresses in Hollywood and in 2012 received a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

February 11 – Natalie Dormer

Natalie Dormer (February 11, 1982) English actress best known for her roles as Margaery Tyrell on the HBO series Game of Thrones and as Cressida in the science-fiction adventure films The Hunger Games Mockingjay.

Natalie Dormer (February 11, 1982) English actress best known for her roles as Margaery Tyrell on the HBO series Game of Thrones and as Cressida in the science-fiction adventure films The Hunger Games Mockingjay.

February 12 – Josh Brolin

Josh Brolin (February 12, 1968) American actor movies include No Country for Old Men, Men in Black 3, Milk, American Gangster, True Grit, and Sin City A Dame to Kill For.

Josh Brolin (February 12, 1968) American actor movies include No Country for Old Men, Men in Black 3, Milk, American Gangster, True Grit, and Sin City A Dame to Kill For.

February 13 – Kelly Hu

Kelly Hu (February 13, 1968) American actress has had recurring roles on the CW series The Vampire Diaries and Arrow, on the Syfy series Warehouse 13, and in the animated series Phineas and Ferb.

Kelly Hu (February 13, 1968) American actress has had recurring roles on the CW series The Vampire Diaries and Arrow, on the Syfy series Warehouse 13, and in the animated series Phineas and Ferb.

February 14 – Simon Pegg

Simon Pegg (February 14, 1970) English actor movies include Star Trek (2009) and its sequel Star Trek Into Darkness (2013) and the Mission Impossible film series (2006–present).

Simon Pegg (February 14, 1970) English actor movies include Star Trek (2009) and its sequel Star Trek Into Darkness (2013) and the Mission Impossible film series (2006–present).

February 14 – Danai Gurira

Danai Gurira (February 14, 1978) Zimbabwean American actress best known for her role as Michonne on the AMC television horror drama series The Walking Dead.

Danai Gurira (February 14, 1978) Zimbabwean American actress best known for her role as Michonne on the AMC television horror drama series The Walking Dead.

Other notable birthdays of the week:
Feb 08: Actor Seth Green, Surfer Brittany Hamilton
Feb 09: Actress Zhang Ziyi, Actress Kelli Burgland, Actor Joe Pesci
Feb 10: Actress Chloe Grace Moretz
Feb 11: Actor Taylor Lautner
Feb 12: Actress Jennifer Stone, Actress Christina Ricci
Feb 13: Actress Stockard Channing, Actress Mena Suvari
Feb 14: Actor Freddie Highmore

**************************************************************

Follow Arts-Stew on Facebook

Posted in Celebrity Birthdays | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Anne Francis – Classic Stars Swimsuit Gallery

Classic Stars Swimsuit Gallery
Anne Francis

Anne Francis Poolside -- Bathing Beauty (3)

Anne Francis

Anne Francis Poolside -- Bathing Beauty (2)

Anne Francis

Anne Francis Poolside -- Bathing Beauty (1)

Anne Francis

Anne Francis -- Bathing Beauty (2)

Anne Francis

Anne Francis -- Bathing Beauty (1)

Anne Francis

Anne Francis Poolside -- Bathing Beauty (4)

Anne Francis

Anne Francis -- Bathing Beauty (4)

Anne Francis

Anne Francis -- Bathing Beauty (3)

Anne Francis

Anne Francis (September 16, 1930 – January 2, 2011) actress known for her role in the science fiction film classic “Forbidden Planet” (1956) and for having starred in the television series “Honey West” (1965–1966) which was the first TV series with a female detective character’s name in the title. Francis won a Golden Globe Award and was nominated for an Emmy Award for her role in the series.

Posted in Swimsuit Gallery | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Celebrity Birthdays: February 01, 2016 – February 07, 2016

Celebrity Birthdays of note for the week of
February 01, 2016 – February 07, 2016

February 1 – Rachelle LeFevre

Rachelle Lefevre (February 1, 1979) Canadian actress played the vampire Victoria Sutherland in the first two films of the Twilight saga. Recently starred in CBS's Under the Dome.

Rachelle Lefevre (February 1, 1979) Canadian actress played the vampire Victoria Sutherland in the first two films of the Twilight saga. Recently starred in CBS’s Under the Dome.

February 1 – Ronda Rousey

Ronda Rousey (February 1, 1987) American mixed martial artist, judoka, and actress. She is the former UFC Women's Bantamweight Champion, as well as the last Strikeforce Women's Bantamweight Champion.

Ronda Rousey (February 1, 1987) American mixed martial artist, judoka, and actress. She is the former UFC Women’s Bantamweight Champion, as well as the last Strikeforce Women’s Bantamweight Champion.

February 2 – Gemma Arterton

Gemma Arterton (February 2, 1986) English actress known for her roles in the films Clash of the Titans, Prince of Persia The Sands of Time, Byzantium and as the character Gretel in Hansel and Gretel Witch Hunters.

Gemma Arterton (February 2, 1986) English actress known for her roles in the films Clash of the Titans, Prince of Persia The Sands of Time, Byzantium and as the character Gretel in Hansel and Gretel Witch Hunters.

February 2 – Christie Brinkley

Christie Brinkley (February 2, 1954) American model and actress spent twenty five years as the face of CoverGirl and has appeared on over 500 magazine covers.

Christie Brinkley (February 2, 1954) American model and actress spent twenty five years as the face of CoverGirl and has appeared on over 500 magazine covers.

February 3 – Isla Fisher

Isla Fisher (February 3, 1976) Australian actress movies include Wedding Crashers, Definitely Maybe, Confessions of a Shopaholic, Rango, Bachelorette, Arrested Development, The Great Gatsby, and Now You See Me.

Isla Fisher (February 3, 1976) Australian actress movies include Wedding Crashers, Definitely Maybe, Confessions of a Shopaholic, Rango, Bachelorette, Arrested Development, The Great Gatsby, and Now You See Me.

February 4 – Gabrielle Anwar

Gabrielle Anwar (February 4, 1970) English actress known for her role as Margaret Tudor on The Tudors, for dancing the tango with Al Pacino in Scent of a Woman, & for her role as Fiona Glenanne on USA's Burn Notice.

Gabrielle Anwar (February 4, 1970) English actress known for her role as Margaret Tudor on The Tudors, for dancing the tango with Al Pacino in Scent of a Woman, & for her role as Fiona Glenanne on USA’s Burn Notice.

February 5 – Laura Linney

Laura Linney (February 5, 1964) American actress is a three-time Academy Award nominee and three-time Tony Award nominee. Has been awarded four Emmy Awards, two Golden Globe Awards and a Screen Actors Guild Award.

Laura Linney (February 5, 1964) American actress is a three-time Academy Award nominee and three-time Tony Award nominee. Has been awarded four Emmy Awards, two Golden Globe Awards and a Screen Actors Guild Award.

February 6 – Alice Eve

Alice Eve (February 6, 1982) English actress known for her roles in the films She's Out of My League. Men In Black 3, and Star Trek Into Darkness.

Alice Eve (February 6, 1982) English actress known for her roles in the films She’s Out of My League. Men In Black 3, and Star Trek Into Darkness.

February 7 – Ashton Kutcher

Ashton Kutcher (February 7, 1978) American actor movies include Jobs, Dude, Where’s My Car, Just Married, The Butterfly Effect, The Guardian, and What Happens in Vegas.

Ashton Kutcher (February 7, 1978) American actor movies include Jobs, Dude, Where’s My Car, Just Married, The Butterfly Effect, The Guardian, and What Happens in Vegas.

February 7 – James Spader

James Spader (February 7, 1960) American actor currently stars as Raymond Red Reddington in The Blacklist and played the villainous robot Ultron in Marvel Studios' 2015 blockbuster film Avengers Age of Ultron.

James Spader (February 7, 1960) American actor currently stars as Raymond Red Reddington in The Blacklist and played the villainous robot Ultron in Marvel Studios’ 2015 blockbuster film Avengers Age of Ultron.

February 07 – Deborah Ann Woll

Deborah Ann Woll (February 7, 1985) American actress best known for her roles as Jessica Hamby on HBO's True Blood and Karen Page on Netflix's Daredevil.

Deborah Ann Woll (February 7, 1985) American actress best known for her roles as Jessica Hamby on HBO’s True Blood and Karen Page on Netflix’s Daredevil.

Other notable birthdays of the week:
Feb 01: Singer/actress Lisa Marie Presley, Actor Pauly Shore
Feb 02: Singer Shakira
Feb 03: Actress Morgan Fairchild
Feb 04: Singer Natalie Imbruglia
Feb 05: Actor Jeremy Sumpter, Actress Jennifer Jason Leigh,
Actress Barbara Hershey
Feb 06: Actress Crystal Reed
Feb 07: Comedian/Actor Chris Rock

Posted in Celebrity Birthdays | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Humor/Jokes: “I thought you were bringing her back…”

Humor/Jokes
“I thought you were bringing her back…”

Missouri State Highway Patrol Police Tahoe

A senior citizen from Rolla, Mo. drove his brand new Corvette Stingray convertible out of the dealership. Taking the on ramp to east I-44, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little gray hair he had left.

“Amazing,” he thought as he flew down I-44, pushing the pedal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a Missouri State Patrol Car behind him, lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 120, then 150. Suddenly he thought, “What am I doing? I’m too old for this,” and pulled over to await the trooper’s arrival.

Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch, and said, “Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I’ve never heard before, I’ll let you go.”

The old gentleman paused. Then he said, “Years ago, my wife ran off with a Mo State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back.”

“Have a good day, sir,” replied the Trooper.

Posted in Growing Old, Humor/Jokes | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment